Sr Colleen Cunningham – February 2022

Ranging from feeling annoyed to intense rage. Anger is not a sin. Everyone feels anger from time to time, in fact God also expressed anger (Exodus 4:14). Jesus showed controlled anger in turning over the tables of the tax collectors (John 2:13-17). However, uncontrolled anger quickly leads to doing wrong. Being angry is not an excuse to sin. Self-control is required to channel anger in a God – honoring way.

One way to control anger is given by Paul in his second command:  don’t let anger sit unresolved.  The focus is not on the literal sunset, as if there’s a certain time of day when all aggravations have to be ignored.  Rather, the point is not to let time go by before dealing with anger. Believers are to make dealing with anger a priority.  Otherwise, bitterness or the desire for vengeance can grow, leading to more sinful thoughts and actions.  Anger can be a helpful emotion, yet must be handled carefully and quickly to avoid it leading to aggravated actions of sin.  Anger is not meant to be ‘lived in’, only ‘dealt with’.

We can thus deduct that Ephesians 4:17-32 is a valuable, highly hands-on aid on how to practically live out a Christian life. Paul notes the difference between a life wallowing under the power of sin, as opposed to a life thriving in the power of Christ. Christians are called on to ‘put away’ the things which entangle unbelievers. This includes sin such as malice, slander, commotion, and bitterness. Instead, we should demonstrate a Christ-like attitude of love and forgiveness.  
 
During lockdown level 5, upon the suggestion of my soul-sister, prayer warrior, companion/accomplice, we enrolled into online Yoga classes for essential workers to help us, as we were experiencing severe insomnia and high levels of stress. During 2021, recuperating from long-term COVID complications, with a range of mixed emotions, ranging between extreme highs to extreme lows, allow me Dear Sister and Brother to share some of my “coping mechanisms” which have become an essential part of my daily regime, as shared by my therapist with me:

Anger Managements Tips during times of Stress

1. Think before You Speak in the heat of the moment, it’s so easy to say something you’ll regret later.  Collect yourself, especially your thoughts before saying anything – and allow regrets involved in the situation to do the same. 
2. Calm Down, once you’re calm, express your anger, thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive, non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly, directly, calmly without hurting others.
3. Exercise
   Physical activity of any form helps to reduce stress. If you feel your anger getting out of control, take a walk or run.
4. Take timeout
   Give yourself short breaks during the day, especially when it is a bit stressful. Get into the habit of creating a space for your quiet time in order to help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated, agitated or angry.
5. Identify possible solutions
   Refocus yourself, do not dwell on what triggered your anger, and instead work on how to resolve the conflict.  Keep on reminding yourself that anger will not fix anything and might only make things worse. 
6. Avoid the blame game which might only increase tension. Be respectful and specific, placing yourself in the first position of all arguments. 

 

7. Don’t bear a grudge, forgiveness is a powerful tool to healing. If you allow anger and negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.  If you can forgive someone who angered you, you might learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship. Remember: Forgiving also means Forgetting!
8. Practice relaxation skills
   When your temper flares, put your relaxation skills to work. Use deep breathing exercises (as used by Physiotherapists, Yogi’s etc. – it uses the same principals).  Listen to soothing music, start a journal, do puzzles, adult colouring books etc. anything to calm down the inner turmoil. 
9. Know when to seek help
   Learning to control your anger is a challenge for everyone. Seek help for your anger issues if it seems out of control, before you do things which you may regret or hurts those around you.

Finally Dear Sister, Brother and Child, cultivate mindfulness by using the simple methodology of meditation. Refocus your attention on your breathing, a practice simply called “mindful breathing”.  Set aside time to practice mindful breathing – try and do this on a daily basis, you’ll only need approximately 15 minutes at a time.

1. Sit in a comfortable, chair or on your exercise mat on the floor. You may also play some “mood” music softly in the background to aid your relaxation.
2. Focus on your breath – inhale slowly via the nostrils, keep the breath for a few seconds and exhale slowly via your mouth dragging it for as long as you can. I find it easier to focus with my eyes closed. (Do this three times, pausing between each breath).
   Thereafter: Feel the natural flow of breath-in, out. You don’t need to do anything to your breath. Not long, not short, just natural. Notice where you feel your breath in your body. It might be in your abdomen. It may be in your chest or throat or in your nostrils. See if you can feel the sensations of breath, one breath at a time. When one breath ends, the next breath begins.
3. Notice and relax your body. Try to notice the shape of your body, its weight. Let yourself relax and become curious about your body seated here—the sensations it experiences, the touch, the connection with the floor or the chair. Relax any areas of tightness or tension. Just breathe.
4. Be kind to your wandering mind. Now as you do this, you might notice that your mind may start to wander. You may start thinking about other things. (In my case I tend to think about FOOD/recipes, my comfort space, LOL) If this happens, it is not a problem. It’s very natural. Just notice that your mind has wandered. You can say “thinking” or “wandering” in your head softly. And then gently redirect your attention right back to the breathing.
   

5. Check in before you check out. After a few minutes, once again notice your body, your whole body, seated here. Let yourself relax even more deeply and then offer yourself some appreciation for doing this practice today. 

Dear Friends, hoping that these tips will be as useful to you as it has carried me and my family throughout an especially difficult time in our lives. 
Sincerest Thanks and immense Gratitude for all the Prayers, Messages and Gifts of Love received, sending everyone Prayers of Safety with this meditation.
Eph. 46 v26 “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

Humbly Yours

Sr Colleen Cunningham